Chivalry in Pakistani men: Active or dormant

“Considering the place was empty, and I was there alone, I expected the worst from the waiters. Surprisingly, during this entire ordeal, not one of them acted the slightest bit offensive. They were complete and utter gentlemen. They may not have come from highly educated and affluent backgrounds but each one of them was probably more honorable and brave than majority of the men I come across daily in my social gatherings. (Saba Khalid, 2011)”

Chivalry is a type of guidelines given to men by either their family background or their social status. According to Merriam Webster, it is a code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood was termed as chivalry. Later In the 19th century, there were attempts to revive chivalry for the purposes of the gentleman of that time. Researcher also termed chivalry as “Benevolent sexism” i.e. chivalrous attitude toward women that feels favorable but is actually sexist because it casts women as weak creatures in need of men's protection. (Social Psychology Network)  When it comes to chivalry in Pakistani men; mixed opinions emanates in mind. Some will describe them to be least chivalry-practicing people while many think that they are really bad/ non-sensitive. Although their opinions are based upon their back grounds; yet they have  solid grounds and depict the society.

It is believed that the trend of practicing chivalry is reducing in our men. Whatever may be the reason, let’s not forget the response of women also as men have been branded with the title of feminists on the basis of their behavior (some of which was the need of the time) and then complain about this changing trend. “When women are re-situated in a traditionally feminine role (whether through violence or a man holding doors) they are reminded of feminine stereotypes, like womenare the weaker sex (Kimberly Belmonte in February, 2012)”. “Benevolent sexism,” but we might call it chivalry wanting it both ways: Do women approve of benevolent sexism? (Kilianski, S.E. & Rudman, L. A. (1998). Sex Roles, 39, 333-352.)This irony gives rise to two interlinked questions that is chivalry a moral duty and if it is then is it leading to gender biasedness in the society?

In order to elucidate this confusion; I conducted a research among our society through separate questionnaires for men and women. The respondents ranged from teenager to early fifties. In the survey it was viewed that 38.8% women answered that they do feel biased attitude like hatred, blame men for all social problems etc. While 90% men said they feel that this world is only for women.   88.88% women think that chivalry is the moral duty of men and believe on the fact that it is the needed at all times while on the other hand only 11.11% people think that chivalry is actually the hidden gender disparity from men. . 80% men think that chivalry is, reality their moral duty and consider it a part of their religious teachings. 

22.22% people think that it is the root cause of sexism.  77.77% women think that men are in fact incomplete without chivalry while 83.33% people think that men need to change their attitude about practices in front of women but 16.6% think that it should be eliminated from the society. 40% said that they showed chivalry to unknown women regularly.  Only 66.6% women said that the men of their show chivalry around them however 38.8% women said that unknown men are good to them on regular basis 16.6% said that it is not a frequent habit while 33.35% women said that men show chivalry with them all the time. 100% women said that we are losing our moral values. 88.88% women said that chivalry is reducing from or society. Nearly all of them said that this is the easiest thing to show their morals, brought up and etiquettes to women. 90% men agreed to the fact that chivalry has reduced in them among which 20% regarded women liberation as a reason, 50% said that it is due to the unawareness of men and 30% men said that the impact of media and society is the main reason behind it.

When Ms. Sobia Mansoor, lecturer at Fatima Jinnah Women University was asked about the chivalry in Pakistani men, she said “Chivalry is very important in our society. It is the part of Pakistani culture and courtesy of Pakistani men and cannot be separated from each other.” She gave several examples of chivalry inour society like how porters help women in carrying their stuff as compared to men; how women are given priority in queues. “Sometimes they don’t even have to stand in queues at all” She said. “Not everyone practices benevolent sexism nor everyone; all these practices are part of their life which they practice without any defined intention; they do this because it makes them to be good to others.” 

When we see the lacking trend of chivalry in Pakistani men; the other side of the picture should also be checked. Although many women complain about the “uncomfortable feeling” whenever they come across different type of men in daily life yet this fact cannot be denied that our men constitute the most civil, gentle and respectful army (along with their courageous abilities) and have never been reported to be disrespectful to women; a perfect combination of chivalry, ability and code of conduct. Yet the benevolent sexism is yet observed. Moreover, despite of low rate of literacy and social imbalance; men form the other social backgrounds do have a gentle side as well.

“Considering the place was empty, and I was there alone, I expected the worst from the waiters. Surprisingly, during this entire ordeal, not one of them acted the slightest bit offensive. They were complete and utter gentlemen. They may not have come from highly educated and affluent backgrounds but each one of them was probably more honorable and brave than majority of the men I come across daily in my social gatherings. (Saba Khalid, 2011)”

Chivalry is essential, irrespective of the consequences; to maintain balance in society what matters the most is the proper coordination of all the factors active in the society. What matters the most is the inner feeling in a person. He can be either benevolent sexist or chivalrous, whatever may suit him, but the impact of his behavior would be carved on society.